Friday, November 8, 2013

Mid-Quarter Exams


            People think that Hawaii is the land were natures finest but since the foreigners came houses started to grow and expand. Over the past year the population increased 13,070 from the prior year. Total population in Hawaii right now is 1,374,810, and 68% of that isn’t even Hawaiian. People around the world think that we live in a exotic island with grass huts but in reality our beautiful mountains and green grass is now roads and thousands of houses.
           
            Hawaii has a majority of people around the world who come and visit but end up staying. The highest amount is Asians, that’s 38.5% following them is the white which is 27.1% and African Americans with 2.4%. That’s 68% of non natives living in Hawaii, not counting Pacific islanders and Indians etc. with all these people follows more houses to be built that cover our `aina. Around 401,000 natives live in Hawaii our of 1,374,810. When our Hawaiians found this land and now they are over ruled. They put so much hard work in this island to make it the best and then foreigners changed everything.

            Most of these people come to Hawaii for these main reasons. Weather , people, food and nature. When they first come here they stay on the side of the island that look like a fantasy. Clothing stores everywhere, beaches everywhere you go and people getting paid to say aloha and welcome etc. These  tourist should go all around the island and see the true heart of the island. Go and see what else is out there instead to staying in one spot and declare you will move here. Nature is a big reason why people want to move here but the more and more of them come the more houses need to be built and cove up our beautiful island.

            One thing everyone need in this island is a car. Hawaii is in the top 10 states to have the worst traffic. Since we only have one freeway everything gets all jumbled there. And majority of those drivers are tourist. It just packs on and on with the other 1,374,810 people that drive. With all that traffic it just make pollution that makes another issue on this island. Hawaii should have a limit. We are just one small island with people trying to jam themselves in it.

            To sum everything up Hawaii isn’t a perfect paradise. We have traffic like everyone else, houses live everyone else, and OVER POPULATION JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.  Give us a break and a little bit of space.

            

3 comments:

  1. Your essay was great but I think if you paragraps where just alittle longer and had little more opinons and less facts it would be perfect.

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  2. There were grammatical errors and missing punctuation marks. The essay itself is going on the right path, but it needs more details and more of your opinion based on the subtopic (like what Mr. Zavala mentioned).

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  3. AFTER READING YOUR ESSAY IT STILL UNCLEAR WHAT YOUR SUBTOPIC IS. YOU TALK ABOUT OVERPOPULATION BUT IS THAT YOUR TOPIC OR SUBTOPIC? PLEASE MAKE IT CLEARER, DISCUSS YOUR TOPIC IN THE INTRO THEN NARROW IT DOWN TO YOUR SUBTOPIC. YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS ARE ALL DIFFERENT IDEAS, THAT IS WHY WE ARE NOT SURE WHAT YOUR SUBTOPIC IS. AND YOUR CONCLUSION NEEDS A LOT OF WORK. PLEASE DO NOT END WITH THE STATEMENT "GIVE US A BREAK..." YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO ANYONE SO DON'T USE STATEMENTS LIKE THAT AND ALSO "WE". AS(2-)

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