You think you may know me
but i have two sides
but i have two sides
I may be small
but I change peoples lives
but remember i am a coin
If you look past my sharp edges
I carry history of our states
as i travel the world
changing peoples live
someone new comes along
its just a surprise
but you must remember i am just a coin
coming in different forms
in my metal interior
Bronze, silver, copper, even gold
with my small circular figure
i carry values through life
i carry values through life
but you must remember i am just a coin
people drop me everyday
but someone new always comes along
as a pocket becomes my new home
it doesn't last long
so come flip me over take your chance what could go wrong
but remember i am just a coin
-MI
but remember i am just a coin
-MI
I enjoyed how you explained why you are a coin and add more pauses in between your stanza. Over all good job. :)
ReplyDeleteI like the repetition in your poem and the way it is structured. You can change "live" to "lives".
ReplyDeleteHi Malia! I like how you compared yourself to a coin but what do you mean by "i am a coin if you look past my sharp edges".
ReplyDeleteYOUR POEM IS VERY LIMITED IN CONNECTION TO YOUR OWN SELF, ALL YOU DISCUSS IS HOW YOU ARE VALUED AND CAN CHANGE LIVES, BUT YOU DON'T TELL US WHY. YOU NEED TO HAVE MORE REASONS AS TO WHY YOU ARE A COIN, BECAUSE IF NOT IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE MONEY OR ANYTHING WITH VALUE IN IT. AND YOU KEEP REPEATING "I AM JUST A COIN" BUT WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. PLEASE REVISE POEM. AS(2-)
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